urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:angellicfire16 Jessie nygirl22@hotmail.com Jessie 2002-04-04T18:29:00Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:angellicfire16:1688 2002-04-04T18:29:00Z 2002-04-04T18:29:00Z Whatever you got! I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN<br />I'm glad I'm a woma, yes I am, Yes I am.<br />I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.<br />Idon't brag to my buddies about my erections.<br />I wo'nt drive to Hell before I ask for directions.<br /><br />I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.<br />And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!<br />I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.<br />My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.<br /><br />And I don't go around "radjusting" my crotch,<br />or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.<br />I don't blech in public, I don't scratch my behind.<br />I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!<br /><br />I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.<br />I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.<br />t doesn't grow from my ears and cover my back.<br />When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of my crack.<br />And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.<br />I'll never buy toupee to cover my dome.<br /><br />Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.<br />I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!And I honestly think it's a privilage for me,<br />to have these 2 boobs and sit down when I pee.<br />I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.<br />I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.<br /><br />I won't you my wife just does not understand,<br />or stick my hand in my pocket to hid that gold band.<br />Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,<br />then screw you, roll over and fall fast asleep!<br />Yes, I am so very glad I am a woman, you see.<br />Forget all about that old penis envy.<br /><br />I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.<br />Join the hair club for men, or think with my dick.<br />I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.<br />I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!<br /><br />Thing's not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...<br />*I only had one officer Mr. Keg...<br />*Back off barney, I've got a piece.<br />*Want to race to the station, Sparky?<br />*On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.<br />*Come on write me the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!<br />*How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.<br />*I'm suprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!<br />*Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer but could you hold my beer for a minute?<br />*I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to be a police officer.<br />*You're not going to check the trunk are you?<br />*"Let's do it differnt this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"<br />*Wow you look like the guy inthe picture next to my girlfriend's bed.<br />*Bet I could grab your gun before you finish writting my ticket<br />*Hey officer want to see a trick? Look at your wife!<br /><br />WAYS TO BE OFFENSIVE AT A FUNERAL<br />*Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.<br />*Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.<br />*Ask somone to take a picture of you shaking hands with the deceased.<br />*Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.<br />*Drive behind the widows limo and keep honking your horn.<br />*Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask him if he can sneak him into the coffin.<br />*Slip a whoopee cusion under the widow.<br />*Leave some fake dog poop on the deceased.<br />*Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.<br />*Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.<br />*As k the widow if you can have the body to practice tatooing on.<br />*Put crazy glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's last kiss.<br />*When no-pne's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth.<br />*Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.<br />*Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.<br />*Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.<br />* Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.<br />*Write "Best before last week" on the top of the coffin when nobody is looking.<br />*Accidentally sneeze on the deceased, and literally wipe the smile off his face.<br />*If its a woman, spread her legs and write "dying for a shag" on the side of the coffin.<br /><br />20 FUN THING'S TO DO WHILE DRIVING<br />*Vary your vehicle's speed inversley with the speed limit.<br />*Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.<br />*At stop lights, eye the personin the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.<br />*Write the words "help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.<br />*Have conversations with yourself whil driving alone.<br />*Laugh a lot. A whole lot.<br />*Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbis out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.<br />*Pass cars then drive very slowly.<br />*Honk frequentally without motivation.<br />*Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene geture.<br />*Ask people for Grey Poupon.<br />*Let Pedestrians know who's boss.<br />*Look behind you frequentally, with a paranoid look.<br />*Hang numerous car-freshners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.<br />*While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.<br />*Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex.<br />*Root for fire trucks.<br />*Stop and collect road kill.<br />*Stop and pray to road kill.<br />*Throw spam.<br /><br />See you guys these are the end results of a very boring and unproductive day! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:angellicfire16:1522 2002-04-03T18:37:09Z 2002-04-03T18:37:09Z <center><a href="http://liquid2k.com/buttered/soda.html"><img src="http://liquid2k.com/buttered/quizdew.jpg" border="0"></a><br><br />I love you man. You are probably the drink with the most fan clubs ever. A lot of people depend of you and your caffeine content to keep them up all night. Others are just addicted.<br /><a href="http://liquid2k.com/buttered/soda.html">Find your inner cola.</a></center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:angellicfire16:1133 2002-04-03T18:36:16Z 2002-04-03T18:36:16Z <center><a href="http://www.liquid2k.com/buttered/duck.html" target="new"><br /><img src="http://www.liquid2k.com/buttered/quizduckdevil.jpg" border="0"></a><br><br />All ducks aren't sweet and innocent and you prove that. You have a nasty streak.<br /><br><a href="http://www.liquid2k.com/buttered/duck.html" target="new">Find your inner rubber ducky.</a></center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:angellicfire16:1009 2002-04-03T18:27:04Z 2002-04-03T18:27:04Z you can also locate me at www.deadjournal.com/~watchmeburn urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:angellicfire16:522 2002-04-03T18:25:03Z 2002-04-03T18:25:03Z whatcha got? wow it's been a while so here is something short and sweet... I love you all!